“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress; I will never be shaken. . . Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress; I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. . . One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving. Surely You will reward each person according to what he has done.” Psalms 62:1-2, 5-8, 11-12 (NIV)
Oh, how my soul needed to hear those words today!
I read those words and instantly a precious song and an even more precious memory come flooding back to my mind. And, in that moment of remembrance I am encouraged, I am uplifted, I am blessed! Oh, please allow me the privilege of sharing my memory with you. May it encourage, uplift and bless all who read it.
In You Alone! My soul finds rests in God!
My body, heart and soul was anything but restful back in 2001-2002, when I was going through treatment for toxic mold poisoning. The diagnosis itself brought me no rest. My doctor had informed me that I had 14 different types of mold spores actively growing within my lungs and “gut” – all of which were at toxic levels. I so clearly remember hearing this overwhelming diagnosis just a few days before Christmas and “if we don’t start treatment today, you might not be alive by the new year.” I sat stunned as those words attempted to wrap themselves around my mind. “I have WHAT?”
For weeks, months actually, I was in pain! Constant never ending pain! It was the kind of pain that brings tears to your eyes and unrelenting agony to your body. It never stopped. Every inch of my body was covered with rashes, hives, sores, and blotches. I coughed and sneezed, itched and twitched my way through each and every day. My lungs struggled for every breath I took. Everything I ate tasted toxic and nasty. Every time I tried to sleep, I would burst into tears; I would allow those tears to take everything out of me, so my body would just collapse and sleep would finally come. I didn’t want to wake up again. I remember begging God to let me die. I just wanted a little relief from the pain and agony! I just wanted rest!
In You Alone! He alone is my Rock!
While I endured agonizing treatment to get rid of the toxic mold within the walls of my body. . . and while my husband and I endured countless trips to the doctor’s office and hospital and lab for bloodwork. . . and while I endured quarantine, isolation, loneliness that brought on the worst case of “cabin fever” ever. . . and while I missed life, work, church, parties, lunches and dinners out, birthdays, funerals, weddings, shopping trips and all the other good things life has to offer. . . and while I persevered . . . I learned what a ROCK I had in my God. My husband was my rock in so many ways. He walked with me through it all, the good, bad and the ugly of toxic mold poisoning treatments. Hubby listened to more rants and put up with more mood swings than I think he ever wanted to. He held tightly to my hand and passed on his strength. He held my aching body at times when all I could do was tremble with tears. Hubby put up with a lot and I could NEVER thank him enough for being a solid rock in my crumbling world. But God, He was the ULTIMATE SOLID ROCK. God was the One who held my heart. He bottled my tears and held them close to His own heart. God, the Rock, was who hubby and I rested upon to get us through the crisis.
In You Alone! God is my Fortress!
Yes, I had to bunker down in my house, making it my “safe” place to heal. We had to clear our house from everything chemical, scented, moldy and unkind to me and my body. That was some job, believe me! I have to give a shout out to some very special friends (and you know who you are!) who were kind enough to be “fragrant free” and come lend a hand with all that. Your help was greatly appreciated and, in helping, you ministered to me God’s love in amazing ways. Through you all, God showed me, in a fresh and precious way, what “special friends” really mean. You guys were then and still are amazing people! Thank you, thank you for loving me even when you saw me at my utter worst!!
My house became my safe haven, but my God became my fortress. God was and still is my place of refuge, my place of hiding, my place of security from the storms of life and the difficult crises that come out of nowhere. As I came running to God, day in and day out, hour by hour and moment by moment, I found welcoming arms. I was rapidly strengthened by His power and strength. His love poured out upon me within the walls of His fortress. I was helped. I was comforted. I was renewed in heart, body and soul.
In You Alone! I find my Comfort!
God’s lesson of Him being my comfort was delivered to me by a very special lady. With her permission I would like to share “our” story. Her name is Cathi too, only hers is spelled with a C. Cathi and I first met at a ladies retreat a few years before my diagnosis. We hit it off immediately; like we’d been friends forever. We talked about anything and everything, conversation was never a problem. We spent lunch dates together, prayed together and even worshiped God together. What God gave us in friendship was super special. Truly a gift from Him!
Well, with my going through treatment and being isolated, my friend wanted to do something special for me. I learned later that she had spent many days asking God for ideas, for that something special that she could do to help encourage me. That’s a true friend! God gave her the greatest idea ever, as only God can do!
Cathi called me one day, “Hey friend, can I come over to see you? I have something special I would like to bring to you!” No hesitation on my part, “Come on over!” She respected my “out of necessity” rule at the time to be as fragrant free as possible so that I didn’t react to anything she was wearing. I looked forward to her visit and wondered just what my friend was bringing over to me. I couldn’t wait for that “fragrant free” hug. I missed hugs. I missed people. I missed a lot at that time. “But, yippee yeah, Cathi’s coming.”
Oh, what a hug! What a smile! What a surprise!
My friend, Cathi, well, she loves to sing. God blessed her with a beautiful voice. And she uses that voice of hers to bring honor and glory to our God. The special gift that she brought me that day was a song!
Actually, she sang several songs. My very own mini concert! I tried to sing with her but had to give up, the coughing and tightness in the lungs, overtaking my body in painful agony. I was content to just listen. To each note. To each word. The sound coming out of her mouth was so melodic and beautiful. Each song carried a message straight from the heart of God. But there was one song. . . !
Oh, did that song get to me. The notes, the music, the sounds, the words, the voice – every bit of it hit to the core of my heart. And I cried! No, I bawled as Cathi’s special gift ministered its way to every nook and cranny of my soul. I know that I threw Cathi off a little with my tears and sobs. I’m surprised she could even sing at all. But, God enabled her to press on through her special song.
In You Alone!
That was the name of the song. Written in 1998 and sung by Kim Hill. And, oh wow! The ministry of this song is unbelievable. It has one powerful message. It is just what I needed to hear at that time of crisis in my life. It was the most special gift that a friend could give to me.
“You gotta record that song for me my friend,” I said to Cathi through the tears. “I want to listen to that again and again.” Bless her heart. She made me a cassette tape (that tells you how much life has changed since then!) and brought it by the house a few weeks later. I played that tape until it was totally worn out. And each time, my dear Cathi, you kept on ministering to my heart! I can never thank you enough for that special gift!
In You Alone!
I listened to and loved it then. And thanks to CD’s and YouTube, I can still listen to and love it now. Every time life throws a new crisis, a storm, a difficult circumstance my way, I turn to Psalm 62 and the music and words of “In You Alone!” and in that I am reminded of my special friend and our great God!
Here’s a connection to the song if you’d like to listen.
In You Alone! I survived toxic mold poisoning!
I have to honestly say, that while that year of treatment from toxic mold poisoning was the worst ever year of my life – physically, mentally, emotionally and even financially – it was the best year of my life spiritually. The very best!
God used my hubby, my friends and family, my circumstances to teach me so much about who HE is. I read His Word, the Bible, more than I ever have; I hung onto every word and it ministered to my heart. I listened to good solid Christian music, the words of which refreshed my mind and allowed me to sing in my heart when I couldn’t sing with my lips.
In You Alone! Oh Lord my God. You truly are my Rest, my Rock, my Fortress, my Refuge, my Salvation, my Comfort, my Hope! In You Alone!